Update On Dad's Journey

I have sat down a few evenings in a row to write an update, but for some reason I haven't been able to bring myself to do it. I think my mind has been in such overload that I wouldn't be able to type straight. But, I want to let you all know how he is doing, so I am drinking caffiene and am organizing my thoughts.

He has been in Hospice since Thursday. He was rushed to the ER that morning bacause he had gotton sick several times in the night. When he was in the ER, the CT scan that they did showed our worst fear ~ the cancer tumors had grown so much that they were partially blocking his intestines, and his kidneys were beginning to back up. And so, he was transported from MVH to Hospice of Dayton. He was pretty sick when I arrived there, and I was afraid that we wouldn't have much longer. But, in Dad's fighting fashion, he was feeling much better when I arrived on Friday. We spent several hours together that evening. We walked a little around the gardens two different times. and we talked like crazy. We covered every topic under the sun, shedding a few tears and sharing lots of laughter. It was such a great evening. Saturday and Sunday he was still experiencing getting sick when trying to eat. But, he is still super talkative, walking around and in good spirits. He had an appointment with an oncologist today at the Middletown Atrium to see if she had any last hope for him in treatment, and very sadly she does not. He does have a treatment ready from his oncologist in Columbus that he completed last week, but we aren't sure if it will be effective at this point, but he may try it to see if it does anything.

Honestly, he amazes me more all of the time. He is one of the bravest people I have ever met. He has faced this head on, with strength, knowledge, and his feet well planted on the ground. He is much more concerned about me, Jenny and Ellie than he is about himself. He is comfortable with what is happening, and has accepted it, and wants to make sure we have as well, and wants to know that we will all be okay. I could not have asked for a better dad in this world, who still wants to be the best parent he can be regardless of his own situation. Even though I have told him so many times, I can only pray that he knows how much he is unconditionally loved, and always will be.

I have also found out throughout this journey how many wonderful friends I have. So many of you have reached out to me to share your love, your prayers, and your own personal experiences with Hospice. I am so beyond grateful for your prayers and support and love. You are all amazing, and I love each one of you.

As for how I am doing, it changes from minute to minute. I really don't know. I have accepted where the journey has led us. But I don't like it. Not one bit. I am sure that I have never had such pain in my heart in my life. But the opposite of love is grief, and the two have managed to innertwine within me. I have asked the Lord to carry me, it is only through His strength that I will make it through this valley. He hasn't failed me before, and I know He won't now. I just wish that the whole journey was unnessesary and we go back a few years and forget that cancer even exists in the world. But, since I can't do that, we will just enjoy this time together that we have been given, and know it is God's gift to us.