Dad Update

Today was day #14 that Dad has been in Hospice care. It is truly hard to believe how much has changed in the past 2 weeks. He has become very weak and very tired. His voice is much softer and weak. He doesn't get out of bed anymore unless it is nessesary, it is much too hard for him now. He is dizzy and sees double sometimes, and slips in and out of reality a bit, and complains of being dopey and feeling out of it. But, thankfully, when he does wake up, he wants to talk to us, tell a few stories, and smile and chuckle. He doesn't want too many meds because he wants us all to spend time together while we can. Blessings mixed up among the muck. I have tried to tell him everything that is in my mind and my heart, I am so afraid I will forget something and will regret not telling him later. But, I suppose if I have forgotton something it will be okay, because he knows that I love him unconditionally, and that is the most important part. He has let go of all things of this world, and says the only thing that matters is his family and friends. He reminds us that life is short, so don't spend it fighting or in turmoil, because in the end it isn't worth it. I know that in his heart all is well betweem him and the Lord, and it brings him comfort, and he is looking forward to seeing the other side and experiencing the new life that awaits him there.

I am trying to prepare myself to let him go to his new home, but I am struggling with the selfishness in my own heart that doesn't want to see him go. I am an all out Daddy's girl, and to picture the future without him is almost impossible for me to do. But, the other more logical side of me doesn't want him to suffer anymore. It is like a game of tug of war within my heart. But, I have the wonderful gift of knowing that we aren't saying good bye, it is see ya later. I asked him that if there is a beautiful beach in Heaven, to find himself a beach chair, and to save me the one next to it, because someday I will join him there. In most aspects I am as limp as a dishrag. I have been worthless around the house, just being focused on Dad and trying to teach Aaron some of his school. Greg has stepped in and covered me completly with house work, school work, laundry, and taking care of Aaron. I love you Greg, you are my love and my backbone. Please keep praying for Dad. For peace, no suffering, and no pain. He has been the greatest Dad in the world, and even through all of this, he still tells me to drive carefully when I leave his room every evening. He will parent us until the end, because it is engrained within the core of his being. I love you Dad, and I hope that is also always engrained within your heart.